apparently the secret to your success is patron
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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