There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
