Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
