you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We left an ass print on the piano.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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