My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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