you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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