she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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