He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
