The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
