so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
