Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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