it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
