Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
