this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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