You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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