You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
