she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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