honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
