I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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