I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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