so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
