I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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