jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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