Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
