Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
