I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize