I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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