please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She told me I should be a condom model.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
