It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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