A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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