I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
