the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
