I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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