Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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