I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
