I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
