Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
