Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
