we have officially lost it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Someone signed my nipple.
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