So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
