I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
