i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
