Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
