You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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