Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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