shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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