11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
