i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize