whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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