I cockslap morals
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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