i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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