You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
