DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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