New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
