now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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