Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can I color on your dick again?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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