i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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