the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
