this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
