I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I look better un-naked...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
