drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
