i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
