I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Enjoy the penises
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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