okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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