my mouth tastes like poor choices
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
