the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
