i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
