just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
