My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
