Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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