She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
