Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
