I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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