Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
