I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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