Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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