I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
