you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
