Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
