I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
