People in love make me want to vomit
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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